Are You Building Bridges or Walls?

... and what's the difference?

A few days ago, I was on a group video call with a mentor of mine and we were discussing how to move through vulnerable or difficult situations in life.

She turned to us and asked: “Are you building bridges or walls?”

Meaning, as you navigate these difficult experiences, are you building in opportunity for expansion or walling yourself off from such opportunities?

This question has stayed with me for days now. Hearing those words ignited a revolution within my mind and thus, my soul.

I began wondering what the difference is between a wall and a boundary.

We are so conditioned to “set boundaries” after we experience hurt or mistrusted vulnerability.

We are so trained to “protect our hearts” and “be weary of who we let in.”

However, in my eyes, this is advice for building a wall.

For eliminating the prospect of pursuing an experience that may carry risk but with it, great reward.

I believe when we build walls, we are essentially walling ourselves off into our hurt and disappointment.

We are cutting ourselves off from genuine help, opportunity, and connection.

To build a wall is to build a limitation to our healing ability.

I once read that the latin root of the word “vulnerability” means the “capacity to be wounded.”

Before you think “how tragic,” I invite you to think: how beautiful.

How beautiful is it that we can experience an exchange where we show up so fully and honestly that the only other outcome besides pure acceptance, is to be wounded.

In physics we learn that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction so in order to experience the highest of heights, we must also travel that far to get back down.

Essentially, to even define pure acceptance, we must also understand what it means to be wounded… which makes the experience of feeling fully seen all that more precious.

I think that when we choose to build bridges following a foray with being wounded, we can choose to build a bridge to a boundary.

What if building a bridge is taking any action step that aligns with our nervous system and helps us to become a more aware and expanded version of ourselves.

Maybe we build a bridge away from the thing that hurt us but leave the gate open so that we can absorb the learnings as we integrate the experience.

Perhaps leaving the gate open does not have to mean leaving ourselves available to the person or thing that caused us pain but rather the gate is a passageway for the pain to go back through once we are done borrowing it.

However with a wall, there is no way for the pain to escape. It sits with us, without notice to the outside world, keeping us stuck and perpetually wounded.

So, are you building bridges or are you building walls?

And… what’s the difference?