Boundaries: A Few Reminders
As we approach the holiday season, here are a few reminders when it comes to setting (and maintaining) boundaries.
Make peace with the way someone is unable to understand you when you use “no” as a complete sentence.
Know that not every boundary needs to be verbally stated. Sometimes, the best course of action is silently protecting your energy by staying in, removing yourself, or honoring that which you can’t put into words.
Remember that people only act to their highest level of healed trauma. However, understanding why someone has a trauma response or trigger is not the same as letting them use you as their doormat because of it.
Your attention is a sacred currency. Spend it on the people, things, and places that light you up and replenish you.
Spending time doing things that light you up is not selfish. When we spend time doing the things we love, we create more energy and more time to do the other things we want (and need) to do. Self-care is not selfish.
It’s okay to be clear and communicate how you feel and what you need. Try using phrases like:
“I interpret that as_____”
“The story I’m making up about this is_____”
“What I need is _______ (clarity, space, help, etc)”
“When _______ happens, I feel ________. You don’t need to do anything, I just wanted to share this with you as I process it.”
Stay open and curious when something triggers you or knocks you off balance. Be soft and have grace with yourself.
Remember to always breathe. Between words. Between bites. Between moments when you feel your emotions running away from you.
Know it’s okay to have those emotions. We breathe through them so they have space to move through us.
It’s okay to not get it right every time. You’re doing the best you can, with what you have, from where you are. Plus, what does it mean to do something “right” anyways.